We’re Sorry, Brett Lawrie

Originally appeared on PineTarPress.com – a now defunct website – on April 22, 2015

Dear Brett Lawrie,

Hey man. Things really got out of hand last weekend, right? I mean, when I asked you to slide into my DM’s I didn’t figure it’d be like that..

But listen, now that we’ve all had a couple of days to relax, 4/20 day has come and gone, I was hoping we could have a real talk. Just a couple of bros chillin’. We don’t even have to duct tape brewskis to our hands or anything.

I know those morons in the media like to take crap out of context and stir things up. And I get that you’re probably a little steamed that Kelvin Herrera buzzed the “head area” with a three digit lazer. It wasn’t cool of him to do that. And then pointing to his head wasn’t cool either. Maybe we’ll take him at his word that he was telling you to get a better haircut, but it still wasn’t cool.

Listen, you’ve got some points here. This team isn’t fully matured yet. There probably is a “right way” to play baseball and a “wrong way.” I usually just tell people to do the opposite what the Mets do, but there’s probably more to it than that.
But what I need to talk about today is this comment here:

“And the way their fans approached everything, I hated it. The way their fans were antagonizing everything, you know, I got a first-pitch missed curveball up in my head and everyone leaps up in their seat like Bruce Buffer is about to come out. That’s not how we’re doing things.

“Shame on their fans for antagonizing everything that went on there, because that had a lot to do with it. Shame on the players and their team that went with it. I’m just glad it’s all over and we’re moving on. We don’t have to see them ’til June, and we’re just going to continue to go out and continue playing baseball.” (Fox Sports Kansas City)

I gotta say, Brett, I’m not sure I follow your logic here. Sure, fans can get a little grumpy – like when you slide spikes-high into their franchise shortstop knocking him out for two games. Kansas City fans have a penchant for wanting to see their ballplayers without crutches. But I’m not sure how you go from being pissed at a fast ball to being pissed that @RoyalsLuvr69 cheered when you got ejected from the game. Oh wait, that didn’t happen this weekend. In fact, there were no ejections by Athletics players and the guy who got the biggest ovation of the weekend plays for your team.

While you’re ashamed for the Royals fans behavior, you should also know that we also feel shame for these actions:

• Raising money for fans in need
• Eating super moldy food just to watch their team
• Cheering quality baseball players when they reach incredible milestones
• Protecting our own
• Having so much pride in our team that multiple shirt companies are working to give you a fond welcome next time you hit the Midwest
• Attending in record numbers over the weekend to support the Bad Boys in Blue
• Watching in record numbers only to hear you whine and complain and slide into our Shortstop.

That being said, we should be the bigger man and apologize. We likely did say some things we didn’t mean. And I think we all know that it’s hard to keep your cool at all times. Tantrums happen and I only hope that we can one day face off against each other in the playoffs. Although it’s unlikely it’ll be this year since your team is warm dog crap.

Good luck and may your cup overfloweth with warm sewage from the O.co septic system.