Humen I contribute a weekly column to the Platte County Landmark under the “Rambling Moron” name. It’s a great Northland Newspaper and well worth a subscription. The following is an copy of my article which appeared in the 10/5/12 edition – printed with permission.

Posted 10/5/12

I used to have a Geo Tracker with a soft-top. I made the mistake of buying a fairly nice radio in that piece of crap car and left it on the street overnight. Sure enough, I woke up one morning and the radio had been stolen. But not before the soft top windows had been sliced open in six different places.

So, not only did some petty thief take off with my $200 radio, but he caused me another $500 in damage just by being a punk. I’ve never understood that mentality. I was reminded of that while watching the news about a rash of bomb threats in the country.

I’m certain that the increased racial and religious violence in the world has accelerated these threats but the use of the bomb threat as a weapon is the most curious.
Let’s start with the belief that 99.999% of bomb threats are hoaxes. It’s the chance of that .001% that freaks people out.

It seems that the “bomb threat” would be the most cowardly way to interrupt someone’s day. It’s weaker than simply making a sign and protesting something, like the Westboro Baptists do. It’s more chicken than actually shooting someone or blowing something up like we’ve seen all too often. It’s even weaker than that kid that slashed up my Geo Tracker soft top. At least he accomplished a burglary.

No, the bomb threat is saved for someone so angry and so weak that they’d like to make their mark on the work, but, yet, don’t have the stones to go through with it because they don’t want to die in a hail of police gunfire. A coward’s coward.

While it seems like a recent bomb threat incident in Downtown Kansas City did end up being a misunderstanding, look at all the time and money that went into mobilizing the bomb squad. Dozens of local businesses in that area were evacuated. Restaurants closed. Heck, think of all that chopper fuel from the news helicopters that was burned.
For the 99.999% validation that it was a hoax, and later turned into a complete misunderstanding.

There’ve been a number of others, however, in recent weeks. One at the University of Texas that closed campus for a day. One in Pittsburgh against a police 911 center. And then some knucklehead or knuckleheads who have been phoning in bomb threats to Wal-Marts across the country for the past several months.

Somebody REALLY doesn’t like low prices.

Bomb threats used to be saved for the stoner who wanted to get out of taking an important test, but it now seems that that stupidity has started to spread.

The phony bomb threat just interrupts hundreds of people’s days, causes tons of hours in labor and never amounts to anything. It’s like going to someone’s house and pouring a jar of mustard on their carpet while they’re watching. It’s just a punk thing to do. Do the right thing and just steal a car stereo.

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