I contribute a weekly column to theÂ Platte County LandmarkÂ under the â€œRambling Moronâ€ name. Itâ€™s a great Northland Newspaper andÂ well worth a subscription. The following is an copy of my article which appeared in the 7/13/12 edition – printed with permission.
PLATTE VS. CLAY VS. JACKSONÂ
From time to time in this space, I’ve held a bit of a Braggin’ Rights contest between Platte County and Clay County. Given my recent employment move to the City Market area, I felt it was time to expand and see how the County of Platte measures up in five randomly selected categories.
CATEGORY 1 – Sports
â€¢Jackson County has Truman Sports Complex, Sprint Center along with the Chiefs and Royals.
â€¢Platte County (kinda) has Chiefs training camp, Staley High School Football and the St. Joe Mustangs.
â€¢Clay County has dodging traffic at 152 & I-35
WINNER:Â Clear winner is Jackson County here, but keep an eye on Platte County. If the budgets stay high enough, we’re sure that those Platte County teams can continue to buy good talent.
CATEGORY 2 – Quaint Hideaways
â€¢Clay County has a great little smoky bar off of North Oak called Moxie. Just a crappy dive bar, but the beer is just as cold and I can stumble home after having one too many.
â€¢Jackson County has a neat little coffee shop near where I work in City Market called the Opera House. Great place for a chocolate chip cookie.
â€¢Platte County has the Sexy Time Bed and Breakfast in Parkville. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
WINNER:Â Platte County by a tip.
CATEGORY 3 – Newspaper Outlets
â€¢Clay County – The Press Dispatch is no more, but the Excelsior Springs Standard still spits out an edition a week. Most of the type won’t smudge off on your pants.
â€¢Jackson County – Some outfit called the Kansas City Star
â€¢Platte County – The Platte County Landmark – All the news that’s fit to be called news. Plus, the editor comes to your birthday party.
WINNER:Â There are no winners in newspapers. We’re all going to be replaced by an Apple Microchip you embed in your brain in a couple years.
CATEGORY 4 – Shopping Districts
â€¢Clay County – There’s that massive sprawl of Lowes/Target/Buffalo Wild Wings/McDonalds/WalMart there in the qaint little town of Liberty.
â€¢Platte County – Zona Rosa seems to be laid out a bit better. Plus, there’s a Hereford House.
â€¢Jackson County – The Country Club Plaza
WINNER:Â It’s cliche, but until your shopping district gets an Apple Store, Jackson County gets the checkmark here.
CATEGORY 5 – Pithy Columnists
â€¢Clay County â€¦ um… I think Kris Ketz lives in Liberty, does that count?
â€¢Jackson County has Sam Mellinger and the guys at The Pitch
â€¢Platte County has yours truly
WINNER:Â Well, I don’t want to brag, but……
OVERALL WINNER:Â Jackson County is the big winner in this week’s contest. They win a year’s supply of potholes and rampant crime. But I think we can all agree that we’re most excited that we don’t live in Liberty. Plus our Bed & Breakfast comes with rubber sheets and a box marked â€œtoys.â€
(Chris Kamler is active on Twitter, where he is known as @TheFakeNed. He hosts â€œThe Kansas City Baseball Vaultâ€ on ESPN 1510 AM Thursdays at 6 p.m. Reach him through his web site,Â ramblingmorons.com)