Rambling Morons
Because historians will look on this weekend as the days the Royals’ fortune changed, I feel compelled to document what exactly happened in Boston and carried into Cleveland.
It started, as most Royals stories do, with a fuckup.
It was Monday night, July 25. The Royals were beginning a 4-game series with the Red Sox. The game started with high expectations, or low expectations depending on your point of view. The starting pitcher was Kyle Davies and sports talk show host, Danny Parkins had begun a game called the Kyle Davies Drinking Game. The drinking game is documented here. But there was a problem. Kyle Davies wasn’t pitching like… Kyle Davies. He was pitching well. We weren’t getting drunk.
And that’s when the game went into extra innings. My wife decided to go to bed, but I’d have none of it. Already delayed 2 1/2 hours by rain, the game now stretched past 11 pm with the teams knotted at 1-1.
Finally, at midnight, the television screen went black and was replaced with Streetball. The first few minutes of the Streetball game featured someone called “Bone Crusher,” so, logically Twitter exploded by marrying both the Royals and Streetball. #RoyalsStreetballNames exploded with nicknames for our Royals:
- @FakeNedYost – Nate Adcock = Swingin’ Dick
- @BrianMcGannon – Chris Getz = Slappy McPappy
- @BrianMcGannon – Alex Gordon = Corn Hustler (also known as A1)
- @michaelengel – Frank White = Chuckles
- @michaelengel – Greg Holland = Dirty South
- @pcbearcat – Mike Aviles = Feast or Famine
- @theKCEye – Tim Collins = White Mugsy
- @djphoto76 – Jeff Francouer = Crazy Eyes
The Billy Butler of the breakfast community
Then, it happened. @pcbearcat, a writer for the St. Joe Newspaper, coined the term that will forever change the game of baseball.
Billy Butler = Country Breakfast
Why? Well, it’s perfectly obvious.
The country breakfast traditionally features three types of meat. Bacon ham, sausage — the gold-standard of awesomeness. Add to that biscuits, gravy, eggs and a tall glass of Melk and you’ve got the start of a trend.
The Royals win the game in 14 innings.
Billy Butler begins an offensive tear. He homers in each of the next two games. It’s significant because he had hit so many warning track outs in the past several months.
Don't fuck with Country Breakfast
Then, Friday night, he hit two homers as #CountryBreakfast began trending on Twitter. In addition, he was involved in a near bean-ball incident with the Indians.
Butler credits extra work by batting coach Kevin Seitzer, but we all know it’s because of #CountryBreakfast. Next, we need to get the nickname embraced by the Royals and perhaps a #CountryBreakfast night at the Royals.
- Replace the Hot Dog Race with a Ham, Sausage and Bacon race
- Replace the water in the fountains with sausage gravy
- Billy’s walkup music changed to the sound of sizzling bacon
- Opening band: Country Breakfast – playing the smoothest southern rock
Look for more developments with Country Breakfast coming soon!!
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[…] a resurgent Sophomore season and Tim Collins (short.) But most fans dreamt of having a little #CountryBreakfast at the All-Star Table in Kansas […]