From the Rambling Moron column in the Platte County Landmark. Platte County’s number 1 weekly newspaper.
So I find myself opening my computer for the day, and up pops up my daily news site. Usually the first headline of the day lets me know if itâ€™ll be a good day, or a bad day. A Trump headline is usually a down day, a puppy headline is a good day. This day was… weird.
â€œMILLENNIALS KILL AMERICAN CHEESEâ€ the headline read. Well, obviously, I need to click on this, right?
It was one of the stories weâ€™ve seen dozens or hundreds of times about these Millennials – the age group thatâ€™s currently in their 20â€™s and 30â€™s. Theyâ€™re straight up murderers. In addition to American cheese, theyâ€™ve killed McDonalds, college football, fabric softener, hotels, and even getting married.
â€œKillingâ€ in this context simply means that this generation seems to have different purchasing priorities or have incorporated â€œlife hacksâ€ such as realizing that fabric softener isnâ€™t really needed in modern washing machines, or that the generation is making healthier food choices other than McDonalds.
Itâ€™s a very funny topic to keep an eye on. Nearly every day thereâ€™s another thing Millennials have killed. Running. Cereal. Focus groups. Gyms. Itâ€™s nearly all there. So much so that itâ€™s become awfully silly.
Other generations havenâ€™t seen this. The Greatest Generation never killed anything (except Nazis) and the Baby Boomers were builders and not killers. I think, technically, Iâ€™m part of Generation X and we couldnâ€™t find the time to kill anything, we were too busy buying Game Boys and fast food on our credit cards.
I wonder what the newest generation, Generation Z, will kill. I hope itâ€™s something more fun than Applebees or cruises. I want this new generation to kill fossil fuels or cancer or when a commercial comes on that twice as loud as the TV program youâ€™re watching. You know, important stuff.
Iâ€™ve been seeing a bunch of pictures of my little nephew who just turned seven months old. That little Generation Zâ€™er hasnâ€™t killed anything yet, except a bunch of diapers. But maybe when he gets older he and his generational peers can kill student debt or smartphones that crack if you drop them 2 inches, or some other super important things like raking leaves or Mel Gibson movies.
From my view, maybe I and my fellow Gen Xâ€™ers need to start a killing spree. We could start slow and work our way up. Maybe we kill sticky notes or clicky pens and work up to more substantial impacts such as calling the foul pole the â€œfair poleâ€ and maybe nachos that get soggy when they sit in the cheese too long.
Look out manual transmissions and body odor, weâ€™re all aiming for you.
Featured image from Flickr.com. Used under Common License