As you guys probably know, I listen to a lot (too much) of Sports Talk. Â I’m hopelessly addicted to it.
Whether it’s Sports Talk, or music, or sports, you begin to find patterns and you begin to understand when the participants have brought their “A” game, or they’re just walking through the motions.
Consider KC Sports Talk. There are two outstanding stations here in KC that have been at each other’s throats for years. Â They fight to get scoops on the other. They work tirelessly to provide entertaining shows for hours on end on a daily basis.
But, a typical show has to produce twenty hours of unique programming per week. Almost 100 hours of programming a month. Â So, it’s impossible to think that you can remain focused 100% of the time.
Now, there is a delicate balance because if you take a few pitches off TOO often, then you turn in some lazy Sports Talk. Â Here’s a fun little game you can play along as you listen along to identify what constitutes lazy sports talk.
As you hear these on your radio dial, simply mark in the card. Â Here’s what each mean:
- B1 – Full interview segment centering around someone shilling a product. Can you think of an interview with “an old friend” that just happens to stop by the studio. And, OH! Whaddya know, that friend happens to be opening a new restaurant, or shilling some new product.
- B2 – Gratuitous yelling at a producer – It’s become somewhat stock for the “host” to have an ongoing dialogue with a co-host, typically a producer, on his show. Â And it seems to be a throwaway gesture to simply use that person as a punching bag. Â Some of these are fairly funny, most of the time, it’s lazy and goes too far.
- B3 – Does Sprint Center Need an Anchor Tenant? Â Until Sprint Center actually GETS an anchor tenant, let this issue go.
- B4 – Taking More Than 3 Calls In a Row – Sports Talk callers are like cheese. They’re great in small doses, great when sprinkled on something, but really start to smell when they hang around too long. Â You can’t build an entire show around callers.
- B5 – Steroids in Sports – This topic, much like steroids themselves, are very bad when taken in excess. Plus, it makes your balls shrink.
- I1 – The Picks Segement – We don’t want to hear about your office gambling wrapped around a weak ass premise. Â Put a sheet on the bulletin board and bring us something topical.
- I2 – BONUS SQUARE – If you find yourself, just for any random reason, switching from 810 to 610, you get this square. You probably just listened to Lazy Radio
- I3 – Should KC get an NBA Team? Â Until KC actually GETS an NBA team, leave this one alone.
- I4 – The Opening Segment Informercial – So you tune into your favorite radio show, and they’re on remote at the local sandwich shop/Harley store/house of ill repute – Great. Tell us where you are and if they’re having a sale and move on. Â If your opening liner takes more than 3 minutes, it’s lazy. Â If it goes for 20 minutes, then you’ve just listened to lazy radio.
- I5 – Top 5 Teams – If your radio host is comparing the 1985 Bears to the 1927 Yankees, you’re likely listening to lazy radio.
- N1 – This Guy’s a Bad Owner – This is another one that’s good in small doses. At the end of the day, that owner has likely bought and sold your weight in pudding 30 times in his life and can crush you like a bug. They’re rich and owning a sports team for a reason. Move along.
- N2 – Pete Rose?? Hall of Famer?? – Classic Lazy Radio – if you hear this one, but TWO stars on this square.
- N4 – Talking Stupid for Stupid’s Sake – We lovingly call this one “The Bob Fescoe” square. Saying the sky is green when it’s obviously blue is a prime troll for Sports Talk. It also means that you didn’t prepare for your show and want to just go all Skip Bayless on the world.
- N5 – The Downtown Ballpark Topic – There’s still 10 years left on the Kauffman Lease. I shouldn’t hear this topic until 2019.
- G1 – Border War outside of season – Taking an entire segment’s worth of calls on MU/KU is fun and exciting – the week that they play in football and basketball. Â If it’s June 15th, there’s no reason to hear this crap except that you are lazy.
- G2 – Should KC get an NHL team? Â Who cares?
- G3 – BONUS SQUARE – If you find yourself, just for any random reason, switching from 810 to 610, you get this square. You probably just listened to Lazy Radio
- G4 – Best Players At A Position – This make believe topic is prime fodder for lazy sports talk hosts. Can you really compare George Brett with Babe Ruth? No. You can’t.
- G5 – Fantasy Sports Talk. ‘Nuff Said
- O1 – Carrying An Entire Press Conference – There’s a certain pride in being able to carry a press conference live, and occasionally, they are compelling and real. 99% of the time, however, they’re boring and uneventful. They also provide time for the show host to take a nice long shit. Â Too bad the listeners have to smell it.
- O2 – Those Refs/Umpires Suck! AKA – We need more Instant Replay – Get over yourselves. If this topic takes more than 10 minutes, the host has nothing else to go to.
- O3 – Better than Jordan? AKA The LeBron Topic. Nobody is going to be better than Jordan. Get over it. Not six… not seven… not eight…
- O4 – Whad’ja do this weekend? If you hear this phrase, then the host has spent the entire weekend on a bender and woke up 5 minutes before his show.
- O5 – I Hate You / I Love You – Rants about the Royals, when the other station happens to the Royals Rights Holder – or vice versa – Rants against the Chiefs when you don’t happen to hold those rights. Â Seems petty. Â Seems even worse when the guy on the other end of the deal, the guy WITH the radio rights spends 20 minutes knob-slobbing all over that same team.
There you go!! Â When you get one of these squares, feel free to tweet me with the hashtag #LazySportsTalk and let me know who the offender is.