It’s Hate Week. And if you don’t know what that means, then you obviously aren’t a fan or MU or KU, or you have a mental disorder.
Hate Week meant to me that I’m liable to lose my shit a couple of times in the week, and Tuesday night, I had a doozy. Here’s an account of my evening according to my tweets:
This all started after a couple of tweets slamming on Fake Ned. Saying I’m getting away from the “Fake Ned Brand” by tweeting my hate for the Jayhawks. (That’s a whole different post… Kelloggs is a brand. Fake Ned is a twitter account, got it?)
Anyway, here’s what happened after that over the next 2 hours…
- I apologize to the 4000 followers whom I have wronged. I feel like I need to tell you that I am actually not Ned Yost.
- +1,000 RT
@markpoulose: @fakenedyost 4k people don’t care about your college views, or personal beliefs. Fake Ned is for royals fans not you
- Goddamn, it was a good run guys. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to you all about my Personal Savior, Jesus Christ.
- I never got to tell you about that time I banged a KU Cheerleader when she forgot to put her teeth in.
- I never had a chance to sing that lullaby Jose Guillen used to sing to me.
- Nope, I really think this is the end. I have strayed from the Fake Ned template and for that, must die.
- Maybe I can start again. Start over. Start small. Like a low level fake paper pushing the Front Office. But it just got too big, too fast.
- Just wanted 2B more like Fake Christina Aguilera. Menstrual blood & all. But he’s right. I’ve diluted Fake Ned brand. Your words cut deep.
- These aren’t tears of sadness, simply tears of twitter joy. Goodbye twitter.
- I hurt a KU fans feelings today, and if I remember my MO Constitution, it’s like hurting 2/5ths of a real person.
- I’d also like to announce I’m quitting my insanely popular video podcast, Rambling Morons, which you can find at www.ramblingmorons.com
- Also retiring from the hugely successful Podcast Royalman Report which, coincidentally, can be found at www.royalmanreport.com
- And no more award winning (someday) columns in the Landmark. Oh look, that’s at www.plattecountylandmark.com
- No, I’m done. This KU fan has bested me. Foisted me with my own petard. I don’t even know if that’s right. I’m just Missouri fan.
- The Blue Wings have risen.
- There will be nothing left of me but a giant pothole on Twitter. You know, like Topeka.
- I suggest you all follow the Twitter greats, like Skip Bayless and Kevin Kietzman. True twitter trailblazer.
- What will I do once I’m gone from twitter? Well, clearly the market is cornered on White Boy Raps.
- Certainly no Fake Ned Yost chant by
@The_Antlers on College Gameday. #Twittercide
- Maybe get a job with Newt Gingrich? Sure! He needs a fake driving his twitter account.
- I thought I could hang in this MU/KU war, i’m just a shell, a paper doll… Like that Whitey kid on the
- But, I can start up my pottery again… Man, I love the pot. Yanno?
- You KU fans have won. You and your fire trap Phogg fieldhouse. You have extinguished the fire… Of my heart…
- Maybe I can stay on twitter if I start rooting for KU? Where do I start? Shorter sentences?? Saggier tits? More prison tats? WHERE?
- I don’t want to twitter die. I will even root for that bird college to stay… Now, when do we wave those pot leaves??
- I’m ripping up newspapers and throwing them at my driveway… Oh and I fucked a dude.
- Roooooooooccckkkkkkkkk coooccckkkkkkkkk sommeeethingggggg UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
- Don’t let me die KU fans. Welcome me to the octagon of cum. Wait, am I getting that right? I don’t pay attention too good.
- KU fan. I want in. I’ll do anything. I’ll fuck my sister. I’ll fuck your sister. I’ll fuck Tyshawn Taylor.
- I wanted be a KU fan, and just got a promotion at work!! My hair is coming in Salt and Pepper now! My secretary just gave me a handjob!
- Is this what I’ve been missing all along? Is this what life on the right side of state line is like?
- Aw damn, I just got divorce papers filed on me..
- Shit, my company just went belly up.
- Being a KU fan is great! I get to vote for Mitt Romney!!
- Looking at a condo in Olathe. Says closest Baptist Church is on some street called Westboro. Fellow KU fan, this a good one?
- Just bought my first KU jacket. From some guy named Mangino so I’m going to need it taken out a little…
- I’ve been a KU fan for less than 20 minutes and, no shit, some guy just gave me $100 bill. His semen tasted like soy sauce.
- Wait. There isn’t a Shakespeare’s pizza here? Surely you have some CJ’s hot wings right?
- Your cheerleaders are allowed to keep their mustaches?? Have I Been sold a bill of goods here?
- The traffic over here sucks. Just saw a power chick driving, texting and putting on lipstick and Jerking off someone in the back seat.
- No… I’m in this for the long haul. If I need to learn my cheeses to go to parties, so be it.
- Just learned the KU fan secret handshake, it’s shake like normal, but take $50 out of the guys pocket.
- I am now a proud Kansas Fan, like Jack Harrys gardener and the guy who gets Nick Wright’s coffee in the morning.
- I’m a Jay… Jay… JAY JAY JAYHAWK and the Home of the Chieeeeeeeeeeeefffffffssssss
- At Mizzou, DGB is a top rated recruit. Here in Kansas, DGB is the name of that report my fucking secretary forgot to print.
- Here at KU, we have this saying, derp a derp derp derp derp. It really is so true.
- Just spilled white zin on my cardigan at Houlihans.
- Wait. What’s the subject of that sentence? And? RT
@dustinw82: @fakenedyost you’re and idiot.
- Tried to get into
#kubball practices but apparently is “weed and prison tat time”
- Hold on. There is a NASCAR track here?? In Kansas?? I Might never go back. #3
- Closest I got to NASCAR in Missouri was a rim job from a chick in a Jeff Gordon hat. I mean, I think it was a woman
- Which one does Kevin Harlan go to? RT
@tomlp101: @fakenedyost I suppose you’ll be at Baron BMW tomorrow?
- I’ve been sitting at a light at 119th and Metcalf for 45 minutes now. I just want to go to KU Sampler… Gosh!!
- Wait. But I’m a KU fan now. You can’t hate me anymore. WAVE THE WHEAT!!! ROCK CHALK!!! BUY JAPANESE!!
- Not sure I can live in both worlds. Still wanting to listen to whiteboi rappers and watch Head of State.
- If tonight has taught me anything, its that Jesus invented humans… And Kansas invented the peach basket. Cuz we grow peaches here.
- It has also taught me that Whitey isn’t just a few basketball player, it’s a way of life.
- This all started because I hurt a KU fans feelings tonight. After spending hours in your shoes, I now understand your thin skinned-ness
- I think I’m going to return to my Mizzou fandom, but a little wiser, and with a FUCKING SWEET Beamer. I will never forget you, Kansas.
- I won’t forget the night I walked in your penny loafers and didn’t chew Skoal and watched that Housewives show. A part of me dies tonight.
- But, I just can get over my Missouri roots. My ability to understand evolution. And my eventual acceptance of the blacks.
- Missouri has the Royals, the Big 12 Championship and my favorite sex noise, “UH” in its name if you say it right.
- I simply realized that Kansas is a backwards, shit-hole of a college where they fuck their mothers with their brothers. Suck a dick KU.
- <drop mic>