This column space is typically my place to whine and complain about the current state of the world. Thereâ€™s always too many issues to complain about and too few adult hotels in downtown Parkville to make it all better, it seems.
But this weekâ€™s column is going to be different. Because Iâ€™m finally living in the right time and caught something at the right stage. I just finished watching Breaking Bad in three weeks and was able to watch the season finale live so that I can sit a the cool kids â€œI watched the Breaking Bad finaleâ€ table.
But this is more than just participating in a television event. You have to understand the technology that went into this. Letâ€™s start with the Netflix service, which allowed me to watch every episode of a show that had been on for five years. It started a month ago with one hour of television and then three weeks, twelve bags of cheetos and only a few washings of underpants later, Iâ€™m caught up.
Letâ€™s also look at the ways in which I watched episodes. I watched them in a traditional sense on my television (hooked up to a box called a Roku), I watched them on my iPad and I watched them on my iPhone when I probably should have been doing something constructive like watching my sonâ€™s baseball game or paying attention to which lane I was in on the road.
I then was able to participate in obnoxious twitter conversations with other people who watch Breaking Bad such as, â€œOMG!! I canâ€™t believe <insert good guy> just blew <bad guy> head off!! #BreakingBadâ€ Before I started watching the show myself, I would just be annoyed with these types of comments, now, I can share in annoying others! It was like being invited to sit at the â€œcool kidsâ€™â€ table in Middle School. Suddenly I WAS somebody! I was a Breaking Bad watcher!!
I could share in the same inside jokes about â€œblue methâ€ and â€œgetting run over by an Aztecâ€ and know what I was talking about. Much to the constant annoyance of my friends and family. Itâ€™s almost as annoying as your friends and family that constantly drone on about their iPhones, or their Toyota Priusâ€™s.
The downside is that Breaking Bad ended last weekend. The season finale wrapped, and everybody who needed to die did. What also died was my chance at being â€œcool.â€ I need that back. I need to find that next TV series or gadget that I can tweet about and write newspaper columns about to give me that fix again. Maybe I could be one of those folks that takes a stand on abortion or gun control. Nah, I said I wanted the â€œcool kidsâ€™â€ table, not the â€œbow tie wearing, gunna get pink bellieâ€™dâ€ table. I suppose I could be one of those Chiefs fans that dress in all spandex and put fake arrows in your head. But thatâ€™s not â€œcoolâ€ thatâ€™s more â€œsad and depressing.â€
I know, I can be one of those exercise nuts thatâ€™s always talking about my caloric intake, or my BMI, or my squats or how healthy my recent bowel movement was. I suppose that also means giving up pizza though, so letâ€™s stick a pin in that one.
I suppose Iâ€™ll just need to find another television program to veg out on. Thereâ€™s plenty left to choose from: The Wire, House of Cards or Mad Men. Or, I suppose I could spend more time with my family.
Naaah. The Wire it is.