It’s over. Give it up.

quakingly You jumped the shark. See that shark behind you? Yeah, that’s because you just jumped it.  Actually, you jumped it nearly a year ago. When you decided that you were some pretentious, pompous critic. Or even some sort of writer. Or producer. Asshole.

And you did all this under the veil of a fake manager of the Kansas City Royals. You’re a bastard.

Plus, you’re not even doing that right. You haven’t tweeted AS Ned Yost in over a year. You started the world as @NotTreyHillman, now THAT was a good account. Then, you carried it to @FakeNedYost which started off good. You started off really pretending that you were Ned Yost. Man, there were days, I ACTUALLY thought you were Ned Yost.

Wow. Those were the days, weren’t they?

Then something changed. You wrote your Open Letter to Kevin Kietzman. You started writing a shitty blog. You started working on a podcast. You began producing short audio commentaries called “Fake Ned Minutes”. You started your own podcast. You started writing an article for a newspaper.  You opened a recording studio in your basement.

Worse, you spawned an infestation of other fake accounts that were equally unfunny, and became a plague on the world. Yes, I’m talkin’ to you @FakeFakeNedYost

You let it go to your head. You jumped the shark.

Now you must die.

You better do it quick, though. Because baseball season is coming and if the Royals actually make the playoffs, you might actually take something away from Real Ned Yost as he gets the Manager of the Year. You’d feel like even more of an asshole if that happens.

But, what’s that you say? You LIKE the “Fake Ned” nickname? You can’t give yourself a nickname, douchebag.

Okay, let’s make a deal. How about you change your twitter handle, but keep “Fake Ned” in it? Would that be a compromise?

That way, people can still scream “FAKE NED YOU SUCK BALLS” when you walk down the street, but you won’t be beholden to the Royals or Ned Yost. Deal?

Plus, this whole third person conversation with yourself is really starting to piss me off. It is making me worry about your mental state of mind. Just change your handle already.

buy modafinil in london ed: @FakeNedYost is now @TheFakeNed

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4 Responses to An Open Letter to @FakeNedYost

  1. Easz88 says:

    My friend is dead! It’s like losing Alphie all over again (my imaginary friend from when I was 5… he drowned).

    I’m saddened to know that fakenedyost couldn’t handle his own power. He created this giant, this babel, and the “gods” smote him!

    So good was his drinking in the clubhouse, his ramblings, utterings of touching some guy’s balls (I’m sure it was in there once).

    Why oh why did you have to commit twittercide? The pressure got to him. The deadlines, the demands, the…booze.

    I was told, “He’s not dead, and he lives on in @TheFakeNed.” Neigh I say…like a horse I neigh. You can’t be, shouldn’t be, will not be able to go on that way. You’re not @fakeNEDYOST. No, now you’re just some schmuck who didn’t want to be known for yelling, “Look boss! De plane! De plane!”

    It was those KU fans, wasn’t it? Those bastards! I know, in the end, it wasn’t your choice. This just looks like twittercide, but it’s really…twittercide? Damn, this is just too confusing now. They off’d you and I know it!

    I don’t know how we’ll press on, but we will. Remember these days! Remember the good days!


  2. Kevin says:

    I lost respect when I just read fake Ned has a facebook page. (What little of it there was, that is)

  3. FakeNed says:

    It’s unlikely I was worth much respect anyway. Lol. I failed to post my Pinterest page, however. I’m not crazy.

  4. […] 00:03 – Laurie takes a stab at intro’ing the show. Probably the last time she’ll do that. She also refers to my name change from @FakeNedYost to @TheFakeNed. Have you heard? […]

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