Danny Parkins Doesn’t Know Shit About KC BBQ

Danny Parkins, the mid-day host on 610 Sports has only been in town a couple of months. It’s tough to be a new kid in a strange city. The local customs are odd. We speak in different dialects. We reference the “Grandview Triangle” and when the Kings were still at Kemper. It’s tough, I know.

Hi, May I Help You? It's not a question, it's a COMMAND.

But this afternoon, he may have made the most critical mistake a newbie could in Kansas City. He fucked up about KC BBQ.

Specifically, on his twitter (in a pseudo-closed conversation to a friend who will be visiting KC) he said: @RobLong47 gotta get KC BBQ. Gates is a dive inside a gas station, but phenomenal. Jack Stack is more of a restaurant, also great.

Wait. What?

Gates is a dive inside a gas station? What?

If there were a citizenship for Kansas Citians, it would include a question like: “Which BBQ dive is inside a gas station? a) Gates b) Bryants c) Oklahoma Joes d) Rosedale”

And if you get it wrong, YOU CAN’T COME TO KANSAS CITY.

Not a gas station. It's a BBQ joint that also sells gas.

This led me to think of other BBQ-flavored facts that @DannyParkins needs to learn before he starts shooting off at the mouth about KC BBQ:

  • KC Masterpiece is like the 200th most popular BBQ in KC.
  • Oklahoma Joes is in the gas station.
  • The only Bryants BBQ that’s any good is the one on Brooklyn.
  • People will fight you about KC BBQ. I mean little old ladies, too.
  • People go to the American Royal for the BBQ Contest. Not for the Rodeo.
  • You could do 500 shows on Kansas City BBQ and get 5,000,000 opinions.
  • KC Masterpiece is the retarded step-cousin punk-ass bitch of KC BBQ
  • That guy living under a bridge? Yeah. He’s got a sauce in Hy-Vee.
  • If you utter the phrase “Memphis BBQ” you will get stabbed.
  • That nasty-ass smoker with rust all over it? Yeah. That’s likely the main smoker for Gates.
  • When they yell “Hi May I help you” at Gates. They’re not playing. Tell them your fucking order!
  • #KCBBQWars makes #RadioWars look like a traffic stop in Lenexa.
  • Oklahoma Joes isn’t just “in a gas station.” The Gas Station is at Oklahoma Joes.
  • Cheesy Corn, if made properly, will give you an orgasm like you’ve never achieved.
  • There are approximately 342 ways to make KC Ribs. Only about 4 ways to make them well.
  • The guy at Bryants scooping the beef hasn’t washed his hands in 6 years. #AndImOkayWithIt
  • KK would sell a LOT more cookies if they were Gates BBQ flavored.

My personal favorite. COMBO TO GO!!!

So, how long must we leave Danny in KC BBQ purgatory? Or should we ride him out on a Gates Sweet and Mild covered skid?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Brian (Indep., MO)

    Right on. Don’t forget that Bryant’s on Brooklyn is worth the cocraoch you see by the cash register. Just shows the place has been there a while.

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