Landmark Column

The Most Unfortunate Boner

This article first appeared in the Platte County Landmark Humans are stupid. You know that, right? The human brain evolved from the size of a split pea. We should honestly be happy we don’t spend 80% of our day looking… (READ MORE)

[SIC]

First published in the Platte County Landmark from February 15, 2017 One of the bestest things about our new Presedent has been the relaxed form of convarsation that has occurred since taking orfice. Presedent Trump is a man of the… (READ MORE)

On Lying

Originally appeared in the Platte County Landmark It seems like only yesterday – but was, in fact, decades ago. A young Chris Kamler walked behind his mother, who likely had two or three other children in tow either on her… (READ MORE)

Lines

Column reprinted from the Platte County Landmark If you’ve ever been in the armed forces, bought groceries, or voted in a Presidential election, you’ve become very familiar with lines. Heck, if you’ve ever been to an amusement park, a really… (READ MORE)

Deflection

A copy of my column from last week’s Platte County Landmark. You can get a full year of the Landmark delivered weekly for only $15. Call 816-858-2313 and ask for the Fake Ned special. It’s been a terrible week for… (READ MORE)

New Deductions

This first appeared in the Platte County Landmark in early March. By this time in the year, I’d like to be able to sit here and tell you that I’m all done with my taxes. I’m not. For whatever reason,… (READ MORE)

Super Bowl 75

This column first appeared in the Platte County Landmark on February 3, 2016 There’s a phrase in many corners of the Internet and in the media that means making a prediction so bold that it literally melts the plastic sitting… (READ MORE)

Ask a Fat Guy

First appeared in the Platte County Landmark on January 6, 2016 Stores have had Christmas decorations for sale since October, and as they begin to take them down and put out Easter goods, there’s a small sliver of time. Let’s… (READ MORE)

The Necktie

This column first appeared in The Platte County Landmark on December 9, 2015. Today’s column is a tale of sadness and woe. It is a tale of aching and suffering. It is a tale of sorrow, and angst, and immeasurable pain…. (READ MORE)

Trump Card

Reprinted from my Rambling Moron column that appears weekly in the Platte County Landmark. Donald Trump should be the next President of the United States. There. I’m on the record. Absolutely. Let’s elect him to Congress and the Supreme Court,… (READ MORE)