Let’s say it’s late. You and your friends have been out, let’s say to a honkey-tonk bar. You’ve tipped back a few Budweiser Platinum’s and decided that it’d be fun to head over to Denny’s for a Grand Slam.
You find a booth near the corner. One that’s big enough for your party. You start giggling at the “Moons over My Hammy.” Sure it’s a little juvenile. Sure it’s a little sophomoric.
Then, it happens. A woman one booth over crinkles her nose. She puts her glasses on the end of her nose and turns her head towards your booth.
“You boys need to cool it.”
Suddenly, the giggling stops. The joke isn’t funny anymore. The frumpy lady has harshed your mellow.
That woman? Ashley Judd.
Let me reset.
Around mid-day, I made the following tweet:
It was sincere. I have been impressed with the #KUBoobs movement and I’ve been happy to see many of my twitter friends get much deserved credit for starting it.
Well, some of my tweets are often misinterpreted as mischief, and that’s fine. And then others replied that a #UKBoobs movement would start and end with Ashley Judd, the actress and also Kentucky’s #1 fan.
Well, it was at that point, that @The_Natedogg monkey’d up a tweet to make it appear that it was from me:
I wasn’t terribly mad. Some folks do that and honestly, I was only a tweet or two from getting there myself. Well, it was then that our giggling in the booth at Denny’s was about to end:
Okay. Well. Um. I’m still not real clear what that meant. But shit got real after that. I felt difficulty breathing. I noticed black helicopters circling outside of my window. I even noticed my follower count start to drop…
Ashley Judd is one of the most popular people on twitter. As of this moment she has 93,000 followers. NINETY THREE THOUSAND. I have 4,700. She is likely to have me killed before this article is even posted.