Yuni. Is. Back.
I contribute a weekly column to the Platte County Landmark under the “Rambling Moron” name. It’s a great Northland Newspaper and well worth a subscription. The following is reprinted from the 12/28/11 edition with permission.
MEET MY FRIEND, GYM
There’s only one thing left to do in the Holiday Season, and that’s hit the gym. Surely, you’ve noticed that the Christmas Lexus commercials have now changed into ads for 24-hour fitness and Weight Watchers.
If November is all about Thanksgiving, December about Christmas, then January is all about dieting. In fact, according to CNBC, in 2010, the “weight loss industry” is a $55 billion (with a B) dollar industry. And 68% of all Americans are clinically “overweight.”
The means that advertising for gyms increases in January and folks are guilted into visiting the gym for a few weeks out of the year until the ads go away. My gym is the Platte County South YMCA in Parkville. It is an amazing facility. It is clean, comfortable, brightly lit and could challenge any Overland Park gym in terms of quality.
And I do my best to be a patron all year long–while that isn’t always reflected in my waistline. However, in January, it turns into a mass of humanity. EVERYONE wants to be at the gym in January. I simply say, “Welcome!” Oh. And get off my stationary bike.
So, I figured, since this is the season of giving, that a Gym Primer is in order for those of you who only seem to attend the gym out of guilt for overeating at Christmas dinner.
Feel free to cut this out and bring it along to the gym with you while you’re blocking my walking path…
GYM ETIQUETTE – The unwritten rules at a gym.
•Clean off your sweat when you’re done with the equipment. Seriously, nobody wants to take a bath in the shallow end of your DNA pool.
•Standard “mall parking spot” rules apply for equipment. Possession is 9/10ths of the law.
•Two-piece leotards are out. So are ankle warmers. This ain’t Flashdance. Run over to Dick’s sporting goods and buy yourself some gym clothes from the 21st Century
•Your water bottle shouldn’t hold more than 64 ounces of liquid. If you need wheels to carry it, it’s probably too big of a water bottle.
•Most of the equipment now comes equipped with televisions. This is fantastic and helps you maintain motivation to work out. This does NOT mean that you get to watch all 7 seasons of LOST taking up hours on the elliptical machine. Limit yourself to an hour at most.
•Admiring yourself in the mirror for more than five seconds just makes you look weird.
•Keep your grunting in the free weight area to a low growl. Nobody wants to work out next to Chewbacca.
•Shower Etiquette-These are very important. It’s important to understand where you should and should not walk around in the nude. Shower area? Sure. Air drying yourself on the changing bench? No thanks. Seriously, if we wanted to see the wildlife, we’d have gone to the zoo.
For those of us who try to go to the gym regularly, we do take solace in the fact that by about Jan. 21, we get our gym back. Plus the owners are happy that all those folks just wrote fat checks for new equipment that they will use twice. Welcome! We’ll see you next New Year!
(Chris Kamler is active on that thing known as Twitter, where he goes by the name of @fakenedyost)
While our sobriety could be questioned, we will take responsibility for the Chiefs winning during the show.
00:00 – Mic’s were hot and talked over our intro. So there’s that.
00:01 – Happy New Year. We’re all going to die.
00:04 – Crazy Lady talking about the end of the world. Shalon 2.0
00:07 – #EndTimes – Justin Bieber playing Let It Be in front of Dick Clark
00:08 – Facebook Theater – “New Year Kisses” – Featuring Jay, Ty, Llama, Troy, Friggin’ Engel and the Rambling Morons Dancers.
00:11 – Fake Ned Minute
00:13 – Laurie Jenn Minute – Careful, it’s mushy.
00:15 – Interview with Jay Fisher, Ty Fisher and Chris Atkins from our “Sister” or “Big Brother” podcast, Soundtrack of the Week.
00:28 – Discussion of our “rivalry” – YOU decide whether it’s behind us or not.
00:30 – Check out Jay’s outstanding website The Unassociated Press.
00:39 – Jay melts down.
00:45 – Our Interview with Troy Olsen, Michael Engel and a very quiet Jeff Hurr of the Royalman Report
Thanks again to Kelly’s Westport Inn for their patience and for putting up with us. It’s a GREAT bar so please check them out and tell them that the Morons sent you.
Episode 6 was our last podcast of 2011. And we celebrated it with TWO WORLD PREMIERS. One of our listeners, @HeAintReally @HeAintReally who goes by XLNZ premiered two tracks.
Then we were entertained by Chris Atkins, the better half of the three-man Soundtrack of the Week crew (do the math…) Chris was welcomed into the Morons family as a kind and gentle lover as well as a lover of LOST (which we couldn’t talk about SPOILER ALERT).
And then we made Laurie (pronounced Law-rie) uncomfortable for an hour. So that happened.
Oh. And there were absolutely NO references to Soundtrack of the Week. Guaranteed*
We record live every Sunday, but if you can’t catch the live show, we can be found via your favorite podcast outlet or on the YouTube.
SHOW NOTES: (Times are for the audio version, video version
Show Open – Flipped a little bit from our normal routine as *somebody was late.
I contribute a weekly column to the Platte County Landmark under the “Rambling Moron” name. It’s a great Northland Newspaper and well worth a subscription. The following is reprinted from the 12/21/11 edition with permission.
IS RIVERSIDE GETTING IT RIGHT?
The construction trucks have started to move away, the final stones are being put into the “City Of” sign, it even looks like they ran a street sweeper in the Red X parking lot. There’s a new sense of civic pride and the hottest town in the Kansas City Region seems to be… Riverside? Seriously? Yes. Riverside.
True. It seems like Riverside has started to put some big changes in play. Gone are the dusty abandoned lots. Gone are the potholes that welcomed you along Highway 9. The Riverside Red X is still there, but it looks like they might’ve mopped the floors recently. No, that’s not Mr. Clean you’re smelling, that’s the smell of civic pride. Although, civic pride has more of a minty, wintergreen smell.
Sure you can still get a slab of pork, a 12-pack of PBR and a folding lawn chair at the Red X for $10. Sure, you can still get fireworks year round at close to a dozen retailers within the city limits. Sure, that QuikTrip is oddly large for a community of 3,000. But it is undeniable that Riverside is on the rise.
Riverside turns 60 years old this year and they have challenged their citizens to “Do Good” with works of good deeds and charity. The City’s Facebook page (yes, they have a Facebook page – and it’s even updated!) tells story after story of feeding the hungry, green energy ideas for your home and even pictures of this month’s Christmas Tree lighting.
I had a chance to talk with Riverside Mayor Kathy Rose via e-mail and I asked her what she felt the greatest improvements to Riverside have been in the past several years: “The biggest improvements to our community recently have been related to infrastructure: work on our existing streets, sidewalks and curbs; opening new roads and bridges including Cliffview Bridge by City Hall, Argosy Casino Parkway, and Horizons Parkway; adding new trails throughout town and upgrading our parks; and opening the Welcome Plaza in the center of town,” Rose said.
They have also upgraded their town slogan, which I can only assume, used to be “The Town At The End of Vivion Road.” The slogan is now “Upstream from Ordinary,” which is MUCH better. The Corner Cafe is still there. So is the big Red X. But an old scary gas station has been replaced by a hand-crafted stone wall with a waterfall welcoming people to the New and Improved Riverside, Missouri.
Riverside is no longer considered somewhere you pass through on the way to Parkville. Riverside is home to the Argosy Casino, which continually comes in as one of the most profitable casinos in Missouri. It also helps the town afford some much needed infrastructure upgrades. Riverside is also nestled in the shadow of the affluent Briarcliff West community.
The city should be proud of the progress it has made. Even the mayor is getting into the spirit of the resurgence of Riverside. Mayor Kathy Rose, as reported in The Landmark, dawned a cheerleader outfit to take her civic pride into the Parkville Board of Aldermen’s chambers last month to pay off a challenge to Parkville’s mayor. She does seem to have a good sense of humor and in her conversation with me, also mentioned that she is a shopper at Riverside Red X, “you can buy everything there!” And she is also a big fan of the biscuits and gravy at Corner Cafe. (Who isn’t?)
When I asked her what she was most proud of as a lifelong Riversideian (?) Riversider (?) Riversidearian (!), Mayor Rose pointed to the Horizons development area which is the gateway to Briarcliff West and North Kansas City. The development complex is poised to “not only make us a great place to live, but a major player in the metropolitan region.”
With that leadership and direction, Riverside should continue to see growth in the upcoming years. . .Just make sure you keep the shelves stocked at the Red X.
(Chris Kamler is active on Twitter, where he goes by the name @fakenedyost. Follow him today, thank us later)