With the Chiefs WAY out of the playoffs and the Royals still 10 weeks away from sniffing anything real, what’s there left to do? That’s right, beat the CRAP out of your college rivals…
I contribute a weekly column to the Platte County Landmark under the “Rambling Moron” name. It’s a great Northland Newspaper and well worth a subscription. The following is an early edition of my article which will appear in the 1/5/12 edition – printed with permission.
The City of Parkville passed what could be the greatest ordinance in the history of city governments… ANYWHERE.
Starting on March 31, 2012 you will be able to drive golf karts on city streets in Parkville. This means, that for a $50 registration fee, you can take your golf kart from Hy-Vee on 64th street all the way to English Landing. Granted, it might take you a week and a half.
Life is supposed to be fun. Living in a town such as Parkville needs to be more enjoyable – why not mix in a golf kart? Who doesn’t like driving around in a golf kart?
I applaud the Parkville Aldermen for this out-of-the-box thinking and could suggest a few more ordinances to help with making Parkville one of the more progressive cities in the Midwest:
- Mayoral decree that it’s Golf Kart, not Golf Cart. Misspellings will result in a $500 fine and possible imprisonment.
- If you’re going to add golf karts to public streets, the logical extension of this is to allow golf kart girls. Let’s say you’re driving your golf kart from Riss Lake over to All-Star Pizza and you’re like, “I’m awfully thirsty and could use a $3 bag of Doritos.” And, BOOM! Up drives the golf kart girl who sells you a $5 Bud Light. Mmmm. Refreshing!
- Since Noland Road is commonly referred to as “The Miracle Mile” where you can buy just about every make and model of cars, how about we make a stretch of River Road the “Mildly Amazing Mile” where you can buy every model of golf karts, segueways and mopeds.
- Wyandotte County in Kansas, by all accounts, was saved by the construction of the Kansas Speedway. I nominate English Landing Park (when it’s not underwater) as the future home for the Parkville Kartway – home to the National Golf Kart Racing Association circuit. (It’s a real thing, Google it.) Imagine Golf Karts from all over converging on our little Parkville to make outstanding YouTube videos for decades to come.
- The $50 fee would be waved for the best personalized golf kart license plate – can’t you just see that fella from Linden Park getting a nice surprise that his “FORE PLAY” or “TO 19TH” tag was given a break.
- The golf kart phenomenon should be a big hit with Park University. That campus is deceptively big and I know that when I was in college, being able to sleep in that extra five minutes would’ve been huge. Beware students – don’t get any ideas about using a golf kart as your DD when tipping them back at Stone Canyon – you can still get a DUI… even in a Golf Kart.
- Finally, as you know, golf karts are terribly underpowered and Parkville is extremely hilly. The city government will need to flatten out certain areas of town. I would recommend starting with 15th hole at The National #2. But that’s just because I don’t like walking up hills.
I am excited about a new Golf Kart-friendly future for Parkville. And pardon me for suggesting the town’s new slogan, but I think I’ve got it… You can’t drive to Par without Parkville.
(Chris Kamler is active on Twitter, where he can be found spewing opinions under the name @fakenedyost)
The Kansas City Royals announced their 2012 Team Slogan “Our Time” in a recent press conference. As Rustin Dodd wrote in his article, the slogan was simpler and not in any way related to the Goonies.
Which made me wonder… which ones were rejected? Here’s a few I’m betting ended up in the Recycle Bin. But maybe a few that might catch on…
Our first one is rather self-explanitory. Probably a good move they didn’t use it. They did, however, go ahead and resign Yuni.
For our friends in Manhattan. Much like the Energy Saving mascot, this logo just didn’t stick.
The fact that this one wasn’t picked is a goddamned crime.
This one is mostly for our friends on the other side of the state… Soon, you’ll know about Hosmer and Moose and left saying…
Just added in light of the re-signing of Chris Getz…
For fans of #RadioWars between our two big Sports Radio Stations…
This is what my wife says to me every time I leave for the ballpark. It would’ve been nice to have it on a t-shirt.
So, the 2012 All-Star Game will be held here in Kansas City in July. I’m betting Chris Berman will be belting out this slogan during the Home Run Derby…
I would buy this shirt.
2012 World Series Champions… 2012 Final Four Champions…
I would also pay large sums of money for this shirt…
I would rather this shirt was sitting on the floor… under a bra…
This might be the greatest money-making slogan ever…
Kind of a self-serving logo here… have you checked out our Podcast? You should. It doesn’t suck.
I wouldn’t buy this shirt, but I would take a free one from someone who owns a T-Shirt company… anyone???
And finally, let’s hope to God we can make this shirt a best-seller in January of 2013…
The ninth episode of our little podcast was a little nerve wracking for me as we were joined for the first time by my wife, Mrs. Fake Ned for the opening segment. She did a great job talking about the YMCA Charity event we went to the night before but also managed to throw a few jabs in at me.
We also spoke with Emmy-Award Winning (and Best Tech in Kansas City) Photojournalist Laz Abalos of KMBC 9. We talked about the News Biz, the future of technology and Baby Lisa (but not in a depressing way.)
Finally, as the chili was simmering upstairs, we talked with Randy Burgard about his life as a new comedian, his efforts to win a comedy competition and might’ve guilt-tripped him into an invite to his float trip.
- 00:00 From The Rambling Morons World Headquarters. I like that.
- 00:01 – We really overbooked the show, so no news segment this week, just went right into my wife. (Wait. That sounded bad.)
- 00:02 – Kara, my wife, joined us for the first segment. This made me feel strange. Plus Laurie explains how soy sauce and computers are a bad mix.
- 00:03 – Kara gave us a review of the YMCA Challenge Your Fashion Charity event on Saturday. Great charity, even greater event – especially when you hear the girls talk about half-naked Kansas City Royals players. Check them out at challengeyourfashion.com - You can follow along with these pictures on our video version of the podcast at ramblingmorons.com
- 00:08 – Kara offers Laz a Hydrocodone. Yeah. It was that kind of night.
- 00:11 – Kara cozy’s up to Eric Hosmer and I cozy up to Mitch Meier
- 00:14 – Quote of the day from the wife. “You’re very funny, honey. And I love you. And you’re getting better.” I call bullshit on all three.
- 00:17 – Interview with Danny Boi from Afentra’s Big Fat Morning Buzz on 96.5. We talked with him about the SOPA and PIPA Online Piracy acts that could do some extremely bad things to the Internet as we know it. Danny explains it very well and it’s well worth a listen. Plus, we reference Laurie’s boobs about 20 times.
- 00:28 – We begin our conversation with Laz Abalos, award winning photojournalist for KMBC Channel 9 here in Kansas City. Laz is not only one of the best photographers in town, but also named the Best Tech Expert in Kansas City by The Pitch. He works on a great website heycameraman.net and the NGM Podcast. Both are well worth adding to your RSS Reading device.
- 00:32 – Twitter and how News Agencies cover news and the inevitable conclusion that all news is reported by Kris Ketz… who never sleeps.
- 00:34 – Social media, politics and the news cycle. “Your campaign can be destroyed in a matter of retweets.”
- 00:37 – Live tweeting news events. Live tweeting entertainment events.
- 00:42 – Laz’s website www.heycameraman.net
- 00:45 – With the emergence of new media. What will news look like in 5 years?
- 00:50 – You can’t have a discussion about news without talking about the Kardashians.
- 00:51 – Where is Baby Lisa?
- 00:54 – Old picture of Fake Ned as a 11 year old sitting at the KMBC 9 News Desk. (Audio listeners, check Google+ Page for the picture.)
- 00:57 – Fake Ned Minute – On the Bruce Chen Joke of the Day
- 01:00 – Interview with Randy Burgard @1800Randy on Twitter, one of the funner comedian accounts on Twitter. He brings a very organized structure to his young comedy career, but is already turning heads after strong showings in local comedy competitions.
- 01:03 – Randy’s First Time
- 1:10 – We’re all going on Randy’s float trip.
- 1:16 – Check him out in the KC Improv Challenge at the Zona Rosa Improv on February 21.
- 1:20 – Randy’s recipe for Chili is WAY better than my recipe for Chili.
Join us next week when we’ll have another show.. yanno.. with people..
Check out the video link above (will post by Tuesday morning) or catch our audio podcast on Stitcher Radio or iTunes.
UPDATE (1/12/12) - Just spoke with @KCCauldron and I’ll be giving that $100 to Bishop Sullivan Center who works with #CountryBreakfast on the Hit it a Ton charity. Great charity. Great guys at the Cauldron. I’ll update here when the check is written and in the mail. Anyone who decides to match or make any other donation will also be featured in this blog and on twitter.
UPDATE 2 (1/18/12) – Paid Bishop Sullivan’s Hit it a Ton charity $125 today (which got me a Billy Butler autographed baseball) and talked to Ivan Foley at the Platte County Landmark who also matched by $100 challenge and who sent his check this week.
And now.. the story of how all this got started…
This is a story about a sick day, Bonnie Bernstein and $100. Oh. And another example of the power of Social Media.
So, yesterday, Nick Wright mentioned my friend Troy Olsen on his show and, more importantly, his podcast, Royalman Report.
Today, I was home sick and flipping around channels on the TV. Once I stopped ogling Bonnie Bernstein filling in for Dan Patrick, the TV stopped on ESPN2, where there was the MLS Soccer “Super Draft.” (First of all, I recognize no “draft” if it doesn’t include phones made out of helmets or soccer balls or whatever.)
So, feeling a little jealous that Troy gets mentioned by a major media person, and knowing that the Super Draft was being held in Kansas City, and knowing that the rabid Sporting KC fan base The KC Cauldron was out there, I put out a tweet saying that I would pay $100 to a charity of the Cauldron’s choice if I could hear a FAKE NED YOST chant on ESPN2.
Within about 3 minutes, this happened…
So, KC Cauldron, I owe you $100. Well played, boys.
Your move, Olsen.