Dress to the Nines

by Fake Ned on April 29, 2013 at 6:59 pm
Posted In: Royals

I am a sucker for good ideas.

Muehlebach_-_Exterior_Side_Close_640T

Look at that. Suits. Ties. Not a set of flip-flops to be seen.

And we have  a lot of good ideas. Sliced bread. iPhones. Pornography.  All great ideas that have had their moment in the sun.  But those ideas do tend to get sucked down by the need to make a buck.

That’s why I like this idea so much.

Brett Parker, Royals fan, contacted a number of folks in the media with a request.  Let’s get people to dress up for a Royals game.  The idea was simple.  Baseball games used to be events of the time.  People would dress in suits and ties, women in sun dresses and they would attend the games as moments of occasion before and shortly after the World Wars.  I recall Bob Kendrick of the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum talking about how black churches would alter the times for their Sunday Services depending on whether the Monarchs were in town, and folks would head to Municipal Stadium wearing their Sunday Best.

42-dugout-shot

Fans would rush from Sunday services to attend the popular Kansas City Monarchs at Municipal Stadium.

Brett Parker and friend at last year's Dress to the Nines day.

Brett Parker and friend at last year’s Dress to the Nines day.

This was Brett’s request.  Let’s all dress up to go to a ballgame. Simple. Elegant.  There isn’t even anything tied to it, other than a good, clean idea.

The date – May 5, Sunday. 1:05.   Here’s what Brett would like to see:

Last year a couple buddies and I decided to celebrate Jackie Robinson Day by dressing as people did for baseball games in the 40s and specifically how Monarchs fans would walk straight from church to the stadium in their Sunday bests. In fact, many black churches in KC began their services an hour early to accommodate the baseball fans. We got a nice response from people last year and decided to see if we could grow it for this season. Next year, Bob Kendrick and I are talking about making it an official event for the museum and hopefully the Royals as well. In all honesty, we were really just hoping to get a bigger group of friends together this year, but I sought out a few twitter plugs from Kendrick, Sly James, and some media members and it has really taken off in the past couple of days.

So. Take a bath. Put on them clean underpants. Pop some tags if you have to. Dress up for a game, dammit. Look sharp.

If you do choose to dress up, they’d like you to join in a photograph at 12:45.  Check out Brett’s Twitter Feed for more information.

└ Tags: , ,
 Comment 

God Hates KC

by Fake Ned on April 29, 2013 at 6:24 pm
Posted In: Kansas City A's, KC Athletics, KC Baseball History, Royals

There’s a tongue in cheek saying you’ll find on message boards and twitter surrounding the Kansas City Royals. It’s “God Hates KC.” The idea is that God has something to do with the miserable, decades-long run of futility by the Royals. After every loss, after every missed pop fly, after every off-season failed move, you’ll see a hashtag, #GodHatesKC pop up.

While I cannot speak for God, my guess is that it’s not in God’s pay grade to care about a Major League Baseball franchise. But then I got to wondering… maybe it is?

The Royals last winning season was 2003 – 10 years ago – under Tony Pena Jr. The past ten years have been miserable. This town has suffered through Brian Anderson and Emil Brown and Trey Hillman and Buddy Bell and Mike Sweeney’s back problems and countless other examples of comical ineptness. #GodHatesKC


But this wasn’t the beginning. You scroll back in time and be glad Twitter hadn’t been around at the beginning of Major League Baseball in Kansas City. I’m reading a book called The Kansas City A’s and the Wrong Half of the Yankees by Jeff Katz. It chronicles the first few years of Major League Baseball in this town and how the Kansas City A’s were a mere MLB Farm Club to the New York Yankees. It tells how the Yankees controlled 1/4 of American League teams with the Royals and could literally send players between the clubs at will with no oversight. #GodHatesKC

This led to the migration of those who could’ve been stars with KC on their cap. Instead they will forever be known as Yankees. Names such as Enos Slaughter, Bud Daley and Roger Maris. #GodHatesKC

Following the ownership reign of Arnold Johnson, the Kansas City club broke their ties (somewhat) with the Yankees and were under the control of Charlie ‘O Finley. Finley was a classic meddler and controller. He undercut salaries. He was more flash than substance and he had a mean streak so infamous, he once cut Hawk Harrelson for calling him a “menace to baseball.” Hawk left thankfully and signed a deal with the Red Sox for more money. #GodHatesKC

Finley up and moved the team to Oakland and promptly won three consecutive championships. Those Kansas City teams had all the pieces with Reggie Jackson, Lew Krausse and Sal Bando – but the chemistry wasn’t right and it took a move to Oakland for them to rattle off World Series in 1972-1974. #GodHatesKC

The City of Kansas City was awarded the Royals and you have to really step back and appreciate the decade of 1976 through 1985. Because it never happened before – and it may never happen again. Household names like Wilson, Howser, White and Brett gave way to Storm Davis and Avron Fogelman and Dan and David Glass. #GodHatesKC

It’s beyond my scope to know what God does and doesn’t hate. But my guess is that we’d better hope God has a hand in it – otherwise it’s just a 60 year stretch of mostly dumb luck.

└ Tags: , ,
 Comment 

Royals Rain Check Soaks Fans

by Fake Ned on April 28, 2013 at 7:00 am
Posted In: Royals

2013-04-26 16.42.33Our friends at the Royals Ticketing Office are at it again. We’ve told you about this group’s attempts to outright fleece money from fans using questionable tactics, telemarketing and bait and switching – but now they’re resorting to just shaking fans down for money.

Friday night, at least 20,000 Royals fans piled into Kauffman’s concourse to enjoy the first “Buck Night” of the year. The Royals were in first place and began to settle in to see a key match-up with the Cleveland Indians.

A steady rain was falling and five minutes before gametime, the announcement was made that the game would not be able to be played as rain was expected to continue throughout the night. The game would be made up on Sunday as part of a split double-header. All things that, unfortunately, happen in baseball.

Here’s where it gets strange. Since the team began in 1969, the ticket policy has always been to honor any rain out as a “rain check” – that means you can turn in your ticket for any other ticket for any other game that season (assuming it’s a similarly priced ticket.) No, your parking isn’t refunded, but that’s the way it’s been.

Only, that’s not what the Royals did this year. The back of your ticket now directs you to go to Royals.com and seek out the Rainout Policy. This policy now states that your ticket is good for that GAME only. That game, is being made up Sunday at 7:00. Your ticket is now no longer a “rain check” good for any other game.

To further confuse things, respected Royals reporters on Twitter were also hearing confusion from the Ticket office.

David Lesky, reporter for PineTarPress.com called the Ticket Office and they said that the rained out ticket would be good for Sunday, but also for 20 other selected dates similar to Season Ticket holder exchange rules:
Lesky1

Not so, from KC Star Reporter, Bob Dutton, who, presumably, was getting a different word from the Press Box and the official ticketing office:
Dutton

Other folks tweeted me and said simply getting ahold of the right person out there got them other more favorable ticket offerings.
Ned

Listen, there’s been a ton of improvements to the Royals product on the field. The team is in first place and fans, understandably, are interested in coming out to see the Boys in Blue. But this ticketing office continues to confuse – at best – and outright steal – at worst.

The Royals have always been a regional team – heralding fans from seven midwest states. People make a weekend out of it and generally hit Royals games on Friday or Saturday; Worlds of Fun on Saturday and then other sights around town on Sunday. This nonsense has everything to do with the Royals trying to fleece their fans out of every dollar they can. While we might’ve gotten upgrades at pitcher and in the standings, there seems to be no upgrade available when it comes to the folks that make decisions about your tickets.

My advice to anyone who cannot go out to tonight’s 7:00 game is call the ticket office and don’t accept no for an answer. You’ll eventually find the right people out there who will help you. Don’t ask for more than you need and they’ll take care of you.

And for the Royals management, here’s an idea, make your product easier to go see. It’s not that hard.

UPDATE: The Royals announced through the Kansas City Star, that they would honor tickets from Friday’s game for the rest of the homestand which stretches through May 5.

UPDATE 2: Now the Royals are saying that they will “make arrangements” with fans on a case-by-case basis.

└ Tags: , ,
 Comment 

Fenway At The K

by Fake Ned on April 19, 2013 at 1:00 pm
Posted In: Royals

We’re all heartbroken. Kansas City. Boston. America.

FenwayParkBaseball, rightfully so, is taking a backseat as tanks roll down city streets in Boston.

It dawned on me a couple of inevitable things may be coming down the way soon.

  1. Our Royals are in Boston waiting for some sense of normalcy to be restored.
  2. There’s no way the game is being played tonight. **UPDATE: Tonight’s game officially cancelled.
  3. Watching local Boston coverage, numerous times, City officials said this may stretch through the weekend.

Then it dawned on me. Kauffman Stadium is empty this weekend. What about moving the games here? Believe it or not, there is precedent for this in the past. When Seattle’s Kingdome was being repaired, the Seattle Mariners went on the mother of all road trips and played unscheduled games at Royals Stadium in the 90′s. After snow ruined the start of a season in Ohio, the Indians and Reds both had to trade series’ (need sources, please)

Anyway, that’s the idea behind #FenwayAtTheK. What if we threw open the doors to Kauffman Saturday and Sunday and had a double-header Saturday, and a game Sunday?

Logistically, this would be a mammoth task. But we’ve seen cities spring to action in the past – especially when hurricanes and disasters jeopartized NFL games. (Source).

Some ideas on how we could do it:

  • First off, if there’s no way to get the teams out of Boston, then this idea is stupid. Nobody’s safety is worth a baseball game.
  • If you can get the teams to the airport (the airport is open), then we get them here tonight.
  • Tickets can be sold for $5? $10? Some sort of open seating. I remember buying $5 tix when the Mariners played here and sitting in Club Level for the first time. Was a special deal.
  • Those proceeds would be donated to funds set up to help the victims of the Boston Bombing which will have medical treatment bills for years to come.
  • We could also do a couple of things for West, Texas – maybe a clothing drive? Food drive? Donate parking $$ to their fund? They shouldn’t be left out of this either.
  • Obviously, this would require help from the City of KC. Yes, this is a NASCAR Race weekend, so that’d stretch things thin. I’m sure everyone would pitch in to help, though.  Police for extra security. Some vendors are offering to donate their tips to victims funds.  This could really show the best of Kansas City.
  • UPDATE: Did hear that there was a wedding at The K this weekend.  So hold it between games.  I’m sure they’d get a kick out of being married in front of 25,000 people.
  • Some fun things we could do:
    • Fans in left field could wear green shirts to make a “virtual Green Monster”
    • Sweet Caroline could be played in place of Friends in Low Places
    • We could embrace the charm of Fenway as the Red Sox would most likely remain the “Home” teams in these games.

I’ll continue to update this post with more ideas, etc.

Again, to repeat, if this is unsafe, then forget any of this.  But if it’s just logistically challenging, that’s no excuse. Kansas City has Boston’s back.

Help us make #FenwayAtTheK happen. Tell your Mayor. Tell your teacher. Tell your Royals’ VP.  Make. This. Happen.

RedSoxTweet

 

UPDATE: 2:49 PM – With the events in Boston clearly reaching a fever pitch, just a reminder that I’m not suggesting we steal games from Boston, or anything like that. This is just an idea.  A plan B in case it looks like this might be a while. MLB hates cancelling more than one game in a row. I’m quite confident we could so something extremely special here in Kansas City – FOR Boston and West if given the opportunity.  But certainly not at the expense of anything in Boston or anyone’s safety.  Keep this idea in your mind if this stretches into the evening.  Saturday could be inspiring.  Kansas City is a special town.

└ Tags: , ,
 Comment 

Swing and a Miss

by Fake Ned on March 26, 2013 at 12:04 pm
Posted In: Landmark Column

SWING AND A MISS
Posted 3/22/13

Photo Courtesy of Platte County Landmark

Photo Courtesy of Platte County Landmark

What a terrible day this is in Platte County. I thought you people had a sense of adventure.

Just over a year after its opening, the Shangri La of Sexy Time, the Bed and Breakfast of Boom Boom, the Romantic Getaway Today Inn in downtown Parkville has closed its doors, turned off its cameras and swung its sex swings for the last time.
Such a shame. I hope you’re happy with yourselves.

Not only did Parkvillians (heavy emphasis on the VILLAINS) not rush the doors of this Sin Temple, but some asked their government to change the laws to discourage this type of business from being successful. The local city council looked into passing a law potentially discouraging this type of business, according to Valerie Verkamp‘s article in last week’s Landmark.

If it were up to the Parkville City Council, you all would’ve never seen Elvis’s ‘68 Comeback Special. Madonna would’ve only been the name of the Mother of Jesus. And the Internet would’ve only been for getting pictures of cats on Facebook.

Where’s your sense of fun and excitement?

It is those of you who shut this place down that probably needed it the most. I’ll say it. You all need to get LAID. And here was the Romantic Getaway Today Inn just offering it up. Instead you focused your energies on passing laws allowing go-carts on city streets. Really. They don’t make Cialis commercials featuring go-carts. That’s all I’m saying.

Well, I wish the best for Janet Byers, the former owner of the B,B&B (that’s Bootie, Bed and Breakfast.) You’re welcome to come down here to Clay County. We’re dying for some excitement since they closed down Diamond Joe’s in an event that many of us red-blooded men around here still call “Black Friday.”

The good news is that most of the real estate down here in Clay County already has plush red velvet carpeting on the walls and mirrors on the ceiling. We know how to get down near downtown.

And for Parkville… Good luck, folks. You might want to stay away from the magazine rack at the local convenience stores. I heard Taylor Swift is wearing a knee-high skirt on the cover of Teen Beat. Oh, the humanity!!

Go ahead and keep thinking that KY is just an old radio station. And that “staying in the penthouse in Parkville” actually just means staying on the top floor of an old hotel. Let’s just hope Parkville never gets the Internet up on 45 Highway… the town elders will not be pleased.

Maybe the town could have tried a little harder to help a local business. Healthy businesses lead towards higher tax revenue, which leads toward more improvements which lead to better roads and sidewalks which lead to a better environment for your unsexy go-carts.

You broke the circle of life. I hope you’re happy. I’d give you a round of applause, but it seems that all I’m left with is the sound of one hand… um… clapping.

(Chris Kamler is active on Twitter, where he is known as @TheFakeNed. He hosts a baseball show on ESPN 1510 AM Wednesdays at 4 p.m. Reach him through his web site, ramblingmorons.com)

└ Tags: , ,
 Comment