It’s over. Give it up.

You jumped the shark. See that shark behind you? Yeah, that’s because you just jumped it.  Actually, you jumped it nearly a year ago. When you decided that you were some pretentious, pompous critic. Or even some sort of writer. Or producer. Asshole.

And you did all this under the veil of a fake manager of the Kansas City Royals. You’re a bastard.

Plus, you’re not even doing that right. You haven’t tweeted AS Ned Yost in over a year. You started the world as @NotTreyHillman, now THAT was a good account. Then, you carried it to @FakeNedYost which started off good. You started off really pretending that you were Ned Yost. Man, there were days, I ACTUALLY thought you were Ned Yost.

Wow. Those were the days, weren’t they?

Then something changed. You wrote your Open Letter to Kevin Kietzman. You started writing a shitty blog. You started working on a podcast. You began producing short audio commentaries called “Fake Ned Minutes”. You started your own podcast. You started writing an article for a newspaper.  You opened a recording studio in your basement.

Worse, you spawned an infestation of other fake accounts that were equally unfunny, and became a plague on the world. Yes, I’m talkin’ to you @FakeFakeNedYost

You let it go to your head. You jumped the shark.

Now you must die.

You better do it quick, though. Because baseball season is coming and if the Royals actually make the playoffs, you might actually take something away from Real Ned Yost as he gets the Manager of the Year. You’d feel like even more of an asshole if that happens.

But, what’s that you say? You LIKE the “Fake Ned” nickname? You can’t give yourself a nickname, douchebag.

Okay, let’s make a deal. How about you change your twitter handle, but keep “Fake Ned” in it? Would that be a compromise?

That way, people can still scream “FAKE NED YOU SUCK BALLS” when you walk down the street, but you won’t be beholden to the Royals or Ned Yost. Deal?

Plus, this whole third person conversation with yourself is really starting to piss me off. It is making me worry about your mental state of mind. Just change your handle already.

ed: @FakeNedYost is now @TheFakeNed