You, my friend, are a puzzle.

Here you are. Clearly a fish out of water. Clearly with some talent and clearly with some modest success.

But there’s still something wrong. Still something missing.

Is it the fact that you’re seven feet tall and weigh 82 pounds? No.

Is it the fact that you look like Howdy Doody’s estranged Uncle? No.

Is it the fact that Lowes is considering changing their primers from “eggshell” to “Danny Parkins?” No, that’s not it either.

Your problem has two hours and 200 pounds on you and his name is Soren Petro.

Let me say that I think your show, when I am able to listen to it, is very good. It has a very good balance of local and national. You are coming at topics as a general outsider, so you’re able to reset the day’s stories and not get too far into the gnat’s ass of a topic. I enjoy it. You seem to be able to use your listeners to advance your show, while not letting them steal the show, which is a very good skill.

Trust me. I'm a fake.

You are clearly a degenerate gambler, so that works for your show as well. There are a lot of great things about your first few months here. But it’s still not clicking the way I think you want it to and it’s not clicking the way I want you to either.

Your time slot sucks big hairy balls.

First of all, you bogart the final hour of The Border Patrol at 9:00 and then you are up against Petro’s first hour of The Program at 10 where his hour is generally very strong – especially if he gets going on a rant.

Then you cut to Jim Rome whose act got tired once Chris Jim Everett put him in his place back when Keith Olberman was on ESPN2.

You wanna rise to prominence? You need to do the following things:

  • Time Slot
    • Dump Jim Rome and move to 10-2.
    • The Border Patrol may not be the highest rated show in KC Sports Talk, but it’s the best produced and most entertaining. Getting away from their 9:00 hour should be your first objective.
  • Content and Delivery
    • Add a second voice occasionally. Not the 15 voices that you hear on Nick’s show, but it’s nice to have you bounce something off of someone.
    • You and Carrington Harrison would make for a great show, IMHO.
    • You have probably the best callers of any of the sports talk shows. But don’t fall in love with them. KC Sports Talk callers are legendarily horrible.
    • More Judge Smails references. Not less.
    • “Red Monday” sounded like a good idea at some point. Quietly let it go. Didn’t work.
    • This conference realignment bullshit could actually keep you guys from losing listeners to 810. 810 is commonly thought of as fairly partial to certain schools, depending on which host you listen to. Keeping it general and stirring the shit, might be a good play for you guys to keep people tuning in.
I’ll admit, I wrote 610 off for dead last year, but Kietzman continues to shoot himself in his Cookie Diet-soaked foot and while Petro’s show remains strong, you guys have clearly shown some much needed talent on the station in the past year.
This letter is likely too long so you didn’t read any of it. And that’s fine. But my point is that I think you might actually have what it takes to be a success in this town. I’ve seen my share of sports talk fail. But you’re going to need some help from your bosses and adding a little to make a quality show even better.
Just my $.02.
–Ned.