Welcome to Kansas City… What’s That Smell?
I contribute a weekly column to the Platte County Landmark under the “Rambling Moron” name. It’s a great Northland Newspaper and well worth a subscription. The following is an copy of my article which appeared in the 6/29/12 edition – printed with permission.
WELCOME TO KANSAS CITY, WHAT’S THAT SMELL?
In just a little more than a week, the Kansas City area is going to play host to the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. The sports universe will be focused on Kansas City and Kauffman Stadium as it features baseball’s biggest stars in a series of events that run five days in July.
I’m not scared of the good things we’ve got going out at Kauffman. The stadium is arguably the most beautiful in all of sports. The fountains are outstanding. The beer is cold and it is the crown jewel of major league sports in Kansas City.
I am also proud of my city. No, we’re not Chicago, or New York, or even New Orleans. But my town is my home and there is nothing like our airport or Bryant’s BBQ or the Plaza.
I’m worried about the intangibles. I’m worried about those things that aren’t a big deal to those of us in Kansas City, but might be a reason for a cranky East Coast sportswriter to talk about what a hick dump Kansas City.
I’m worried about a cow truck overturning on I-70. Those things happen every few months around here. Imagine one dumping cows all over I-35.
HEADLINE: Cowtown Kansas City Features Actual Cows
I’m worried about the smell as soon as you walk outside of the airport. As written about in last week’s Landmark, they’ve been fertilizing the farmland just past the runways at KCI with, um, fresh fertilizer.
HEADLINE: KC Welcomes All-Stars With Smelly Greeting
I’m worried about the Denny’s just past centerfield at Kauffman, or the view of I-70 in the outfield. From time to time you can hear the semi-trucks pumping their air brakes on the highway and it just isn’t Kauffman’s best feature. Or worse, some sort of traffic accident in the middle of the game.
HEADLINE: All-Star Game Accidentally Turns Into AAA Club Meeting
And the thing I’m most worried about is the July heat here in KC. These sportswriters and big-wigs aren’t used to 103 degree heat with 95% humidity. They’re going to step off the plane into “Africa hot” conditions. No amount of cold Boulevard Beer and BBQ will fix the sweat down the small of their back. I can see the headline now…
HEADLINE: Kansas City: Stupid Hot
In all, I think people will just have to get over it and enjoy the All-Star Game events as they were intended to be enjoyed. Our National Pastime is a summer event and Kansas City will be a tremendous host for the best and brightest in baseball… Just as long as the ladies yelling “Hi, May I Help YOU?” at Gates don’t do it too rudely.
(When he isn’t worrying about the All Star Game, Chris Kamler is active on Twitter, where he is known as @TheFakeNed. He hosts “The Kansas City Baseball Vault” on ESPN 1510AM Thursdays at 6 p.m. Reach him through his web site, ramblingmorons.com)