Danny Parkins Doesn’t Know Shit About KC BBQ
Danny Parkins, the mid-day host on 610 Sports has only been in town a couple of months. It’s tough to be a new kid in a strange city. The local customs are odd. We speak in different dialects. We reference the “Grandview Triangle” and when the Kings were still at Kemper. It’s tough, I know.
But this afternoon, he may have made the most critical mistake a newbie could in Kansas City. He fucked up about KC BBQ.
Specifically, on his twitter (in a pseudo-closed conversation to a friend who will be visiting KC) he said: @RobLong47 gotta get KC BBQ. Gates is a dive inside a gas station, but phenomenal. Jack Stack is more of a restaurant, also great.
Gates is a dive inside a gas station? What?
If there were a citizenship for Kansas Citians, it would include a question like: “Which BBQ dive is inside a gas station? a) Gates b) Bryants c) Oklahoma Joes d) Rosedale”
And if you get it wrong, YOU CAN’T COME TO KANSAS CITY.
- KC Masterpiece is like the 200th most popular BBQ in KC.
- Oklahoma Joes is in the gas station.
- The only Bryants BBQ that’s any good is the one on Brooklyn.
- People will fight you about KC BBQ. I mean little old ladies, too.
- People go to the American Royal for the BBQ Contest. Not for the Rodeo.
- You could do 500 shows on Kansas City BBQ and get 5,000,000 opinions.
- KC Masterpiece is the retarded step-cousin punk-ass bitch of KC BBQ
- That guy living under a bridge? Yeah. He’s got a sauce in Hy-Vee.
- If you utter the phrase “Memphis BBQ” you will get stabbed.
- That nasty-ass smoker with rust all over it? Yeah. That’s likely the main smoker for Gates.
- When they yell “Hi May I help you” at Gates. They’re not playing. Tell them your fucking order!
- #KCBBQWars makes #RadioWars look like a traffic stop in Lenexa.
- Oklahoma Joes isn’t just “in a gas station.” The Gas Station is at Oklahoma Joes.
- Cheesy Corn, if made properly, will give you an orgasm like you’ve never achieved.
- There are approximately 342 ways to make KC Ribs. Only about 4 ways to make them well.
- The guy at Bryants scooping the beef hasn’t washed his hands in 6 years. #AndImOkayWithIt
- KK would sell a LOT more cookies if they were Gates BBQ flavored.
So, how long must we leave Danny in KC BBQ purgatory? Or should we ride him out on a Gates Sweet and Mild covered skid?