Let’s say it’s late. You and your friends have been out, let’s say to a honkey-tonk bar. You’ve tipped back a few Budweiser Platinum’s and decided that it’d be fun to head over to Denny’s for a Grand Slam.

You find a booth near the corner. One that’s big enough for your party. You start giggling at the “Moons over My Hammy.” Sure it’s a little juvenile. Sure it’s a little sophomoric.

Then, it happens. A woman one booth over crinkles her nose. She puts her glasses on the end of her nose and turns her head towards your booth.

“You boys need to cool it.”

Suddenly, the giggling stops.  The joke isn’t funny anymore. The frumpy lady has harshed your mellow.

That woman? Ashley Judd.

Let me reset.

Around mid-day, I made the following tweet:

The Fake NedThe Fake Ned ‏ @TheFakeNed

1:01pm – Free idea to any KU fans… somebody start #UKBoobs and just throw out pictures of old shriveled tits… #YoureWelcome

It was sincere. I have been impressed with the #KUBoobs movement and I’ve been happy to see many of my twitter friends get much deserved credit for starting it.

Well, some of my tweets are often misinterpreted as mischief, and that’s fine. And then others replied that a #UKBoobs movement would start and end with Ashley Judd, the actress and also Kentucky’s #1 fan.

Well, it was at that point, that @The_Natedogg monkey’d up a tweet to make it appear that it was from me:

Nate G ‏ @THE_natedogg

RT @TheFakeNed Free idea to any UK fans… somebody start#UKBoobs … ” Calling @AshleyJudd

I wasn’t terribly mad. Some folks do that and honestly, I was only a tweet or two from getting there myself.  Well, it was then that our giggling in the booth at Denny’s was about to end:

ashley juddashley judd ‏ @AshleyJudd

That’s right. Not only did Ashley Judd feel it was “inappropriate”, she also felt it was “unwelcome.”

Okay. Well. Um. I’m still not real clear what that meant. But shit got real after that. I felt difficulty breathing. I noticed black helicopters circling outside of my window.  I even noticed my follower count start to drop…

Ashley Judd is one of the most popular people on twitter. As of this moment she has 93,000 followers. NINETY THREE THOUSAND.  I have 4,700.  She is likely to have me killed before this article is even posted.

Okay. Well, I guess if goobers from Kansas asked you to show your boobs on the internet, I wouldn’t like it much either. Let’s chalk it up as a misunderstanding and move along.

I actually am a fan of Ashley Judd. She’s a singer, right? Wait. I watched some of her new show, Missing. The first few minutes were of her running through a park. I turned it off when she stopped running.  No idea what it’s about.

But that wasn’t the end of it.  As word of my interaction with Miss Judd made its way around the Internet, Danny Boi, of 96.5 The Buzz asked for an update on why Mama Judd decided to be the “Fun Police” on twitter.

@TheFakeNed so you’re coming on #abfmb tomorrow to talk about@AshleyJudd and her wonderful sense of humor? #KUBoobs #UKBoobs 

@dannyboi965 so long as @AshleyJudd doesn’t have me killed by Twitter police in my sleep, I’m in. 

@TheFakeNed @dannyboi965 The only police here is one’s personal integrity.

Um… WHAT? What the fuck does that even mean???  This not only stopped the giggling in the booth, this actually hurt my brain trying to figure it out…

So… here I sit… frightened… cold… only the dim light from the laptop monitor lighting the room. I’m shivering… hungry…

I still think #UKBoobs would be hilarious.

Well, Ashley. It’s been fun. I sure hope that you enjoy spending your time policing the internet. Advocate for those who aren’t funny. You are the voice of the mediocre.

In the meantime, #RockChalk and #FuckOff

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